Lupin Do I Impart
by ArtemisEpona
Summary: Based on events in The Order of the Phoenix, I wrote this fan fiction for the RemusLupin shippers who were bashed on HPana. Enjoy!


Once the Hogwarts train had pulled out the great, black dog's spirits seemed to dampen, but it continued to chase its tail all the way out of the station while Mrs. Wealsey tut-tutted and shook her head. The dog ignored her. She couldn't understand! She hadnt been locked away for ages like he had. Being outside under the open sky, feeling the wind, running in the sun -- it was wonderful! The big, black dog took full advantage of it all the way home.

Yet once in the gloom of Grimmauld Place again, Sirius was his sullen self once more, sulking around the dreary mansion where horrible memories echoed from the walls: his parents' sneering disapproval, their pureblood mania, his brother's idiocy. Glowering to himself and at the now-empty house, Sirius wandered into the kitchen and stopped short. The smell of hot steam rising from a kettle met his sensitive nose and a familiar face grinned at him from the kitchen table.

"Didn't know you were back already," Sirius said gladly and sat down near the new comer.

Remus Lupin looked at him over his steaming cup of tea, his face weary and graying more than ever. The smile showed through his tired features, and he pushed a teacup across the table to Sirius.

"Drink. You looked like you were brooding again."

Sirius didnt touch the tea. "I was," he said darkly.

"Molly giving you a hard time again?" Lupin asked, but he knew it was more than that.

Sirius grunted, not really listening. The train was speeding hundreds of miles away and Harry was on it, hurtling away from him for who knew how long. Again he was alone, unable to help, unable to protect Harry -- unable to even visit him.

"Hem, hem," came a soft, irritating cough, and Sirius looked up, grinning. Lupin was imitating Umbridge, the squat, horrible woman from the Ministry.

"That one always makes you smile," said Lupin, watching Sirius with his eyes twinkling. "Don't worry, Sirius. Harry is as safe as possible at Hogwarts."

Sirius agreed, but through the steam of the kettle, neither one of their faces held any conviction. Considering what had happened the year before, Harry was about as safe at Hogwarts as he was anywhere else. Hogwarts wasn't safe anymore, even with Dumbledore there.

Sirius grunted, "Yeah, but no thanks to me."

"Hey," said Lupin and he reached across the table and squeezed Sirius's shoulder, "You care about Harry and would do anything to keep him safe. Harry knows that."

"Yeah, yeah," muttered Sirius, feeling better against his own will. He looked up at Lupin again, at his smiling, twinkling eyes. His own smile was suddenly reflected in Lupin's eyes as he said, "I never can get on without you."

Lupin grinned, "You mean you never _could_. All those timesI had to be there to clean up after you and James . . ."

Something in both of them flinched and they fell silent.

"Well," Sirius said heavily and made to get up from the table, "I think I'll go and check on Buckbeak. He eats so many rats these days . . ."

"It's a shame he didnt eat Peter," muttered Lupin and Sirius gave his barklike laugh, rising from his chair as he did so.

Lupin caught his hand and Sirius hesitated. With Lupin's hand closed over his, the gapping chasm that had shattered their relationship cut more deeply than ever. They hadnt had the chance to talk like this in years -- for years Lupin had believed Sirius to be a traitor. And now . . . ? How could they ever expect to pick up the broken pieces?

Lupin hadn't forgotten what they once had felt for each other, and it was plain in his eyes what he was feeling as he stared up at Sirius. His hand squeezed tighter on Sirius's and he said in a voice that was tiny and broken:

"I'm here, Sirius. Don't forget that I'm here."

Sirius hadn't forgotten. The fact that he couldn't forget is what was hurting the most. He swallowed the lump that was rising in his throat and nodded gruffly, closing his free hand over Lupin's.

"I know you're here, Remus," Sirius said, closing his eyes."That's what frightens me. What if I lose you too? What if one of us doesnt make it this time?"

"We can't let that stop us from loving each other -- from living!" Lupin said in a voice that shook.

Sirius looked at him sadly. "You call this living?" he said bitterly and swept his hand around the basement kitchen. "This isn't living! I'm stuck here, unable to do anything, go anywhere! I might as well be dead!"

Lupin flinched as if Sirius had just sentenced himself to death.

"I can't even fight for whatI believe!I can't even protect the ones --" he faltered and reached a hand down to caress Lupin's weary and sunken face with the back of his fingers, "the ones that I love. . ."

Lupin closed his eyes and said quietly, "We have to do our best with the time that is given us." He looked up at Sirius, "You know that."

"I did . . . once . . . when I was younger," Sirius said moodily, his shoulders slouching as he straightened up and shoved his hands in his pockets.

"Don't run away from me," Lupin said, his teacup forgotten in front of him as he stared up at Sirius.

"What do you mean?" Sirius snapped. "I've never run away from anything in my life!"

Lupin hung his head, "Everytime you get worried or moody or depressed you lock yourself away with Buckbeak and feed him all day. That hippogriff's going to be unable to leave that room soon, it's getting so fat!"

"Alright!" cried Sirius grumpily, and glowered at the table. "But what else can I do? Dumbledore says I can't leave . . ."

Lupin looked up at him again, "I'm here, Sirius. Isn't that enough?" There was pause as Lupin frowned up at his old school friend, and Sirius looked away. "Locking yourself away in your mother's bedroom isn't going to keep anyone from dying this time around."

Sirius sighed and let his eyes travel over the walls. He could barely bring himself to look at Lupin because he knew that he was right. At last, his eyes settled on the gray and weary wizard and he couldnt help smiling: Lupin was making the steam from the kettle take the shape of a large dog with his wand.

Sirius laughed, "Alright, alright, Moony. I won't run anymore. I promise I'll spend all the time I can with you -- and use the time thats given to me wisely." He laughed again and sat down near Lupin.

"Good boy," Lupin said teasingly and ruffled Sirius's hair as if he were suddenly the great bounding dog again.

"Hey!" laughed Sirius, "It's you who liked to be scratched behind the ears -- not me!"

"Remember when we played that prank on you in Charms? Flitwick was teaching us _Wingardium Leviosa_ and James accidently made his feather tickle your ear. You got all calm and even fell asleep. Flitwick couldn't keep the class from roaring with laughter. It was a riot!"

They laughed and Sirius took a gulp of his tea. Lupin continued to chuckle to himself and poured more tea, reliving, perhaps, the Charms class in which Sirius had been put to sleep.

Sirius watched him, all his past feelings for Lupin rushing up in his heart and overpowering him until he almost felt the tears come to his eyes. He swallowed and clasped Lupin's hand suddenly, surprising him with the sudden movement.

"I really am glad you're here, Moony," Sirius said seriously (no pun intended) "and I'm sorry that I've neglected the fact."

Lupin stared at Sirius, lost for words it seemed, and then put his cup down and said quietly, "I'm glad I'm here too. I mean, I never could get on without you."

Sirius smiled as his own words were echoed back at him, and squeezed Lupin's hand, "Whatever happens, the way I feel will always remain the same. You know that."

Lupin closed his own hand over Sirius's and smiled. "I do," he said quietly.


End file.
